The DOG & CAT diaries

VEGAS · Post by **VEGAS** » 04 Aug 2006, 08:46

The differencies between the dog's diary and the cat's diary.

A Dog's Diary Entry:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mum! My favourite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!

A Cat's Diary Entry:

Day 183 of my captivity ... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. Must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a clever little cat I was. These people are utterly barbarous. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is clearly a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. She speaks with them regularly. I am certain she reports my every move. Due to her current placement in the metal container, her safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

DispatchDragon · Post by **DispatchDragon** » 04 Aug 2006, 08:53

TO damn funny Eddie

I have one of the former (Hes a total twit)
and two of the latter who conspire together with all the mentioned items
including making the poor twits life miserable - ever seen a 40# Wheaton Terrier totally cowed by two 9 pound cats???

:think:

Leif

airboatr · Post by **airboatr** » 04 Aug 2006, 10:05

Cats? :huf:
oh yeah I love em
My girlfriends cat has a mental problem
he's pretty cool really he comes when ever I call him
Chee toes (like the snack food) I call him cheese ball
good sized yellow cat
well his problem is that the hand that pets him
soon becomes a play thing he wants to paw and then
a object fit to KILL :axe:
see? ........happened last night
Timely Eddie
you post the diary of the cat
I almost get my hand tore off

the lil.......B@st@rd!!

funny thing
Michell tells me I'm his buddy
and I'm one of a few people he'll get around
lucky me :roll:

Post by **Garry Russell** » 04 Aug 2006, 11:56

Very good Eddie and about how it is.

Personally I loathe animals in the house and for many years it was bliss.

Once the kids wanted pets but I thought...well dirt and bad smells in the house, hair everywhere, mess on the couch and things brought in from outside that you don't want to think about and left in corners....who wants animals as well? :roll:

Garry

VEGAS · Post by **VEGAS** » 04 Aug 2006, 12:28

You little tinker!

AndyG · Post by **AndyG** » 04 Aug 2006, 12:32

airboatr wrote:Cats? :huf:
oh yeah I love em
My girlfriends cat has a mental problem
he's pretty cool really he comes when ever I call him
Chee toes (like the snack food) I call him cheese ball
good sized yellow cat
well his problem is that the hand that pets him
soon becomes a play thing he wants to paw and then
a object fit to KILL :axe:
see? ........happened last night
Timely Eddie
you post the diary of the cat
I almost get my hand tore off
the lil.......B@st@rd!!

funny thing
Michell tells me I'm his buddy
and I'm one of a few people he'll get around
lucky me :roll:

Ah, the real fun is when they are kittens! I still bear the scars from one cat who dashed into the room at such speed she found it difficult to stop...so she didn't, and climbed right up my leg and hung onto my hip - now I know how a mountain feels. :shock:

AndyG

Post by **Garry Russell** » 04 Aug 2006, 12:38

Just as well you were side on Andy

Garry

VEGAS · Post by **VEGAS** » 04 Aug 2006, 12:39

Garry Russell wrote:Just as well you were side on Andy

Garry

Indeed!

TobyV · Post by **TobyV** » 04 Aug 2006, 13:19

I do like cats (dogs just seem to want to eat me :think: ), but I that cat diary entry is great

A couple of local feline conspirators

AndyG · Post by **AndyG** » 04 Aug 2006, 14:46

Garry Russell wrote:Just as well you were side on Andy

Garry

Did I say I was side on? :crying: It involved her climbing up on tiny crampons, and then making her way around to get comfortable - for her, not me!!

AndyG