A zoo in Newcastle acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Geordie Elliott, a local lad & part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Geordie, like many Newcastle men, felt he had ample ability to satisfy any female. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution so Geordie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for £500?
Geordie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
1. "Forst", Geordie said, "Nee kissin’ on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Secund", he said, "Ye cannit nivva tell neebody aboot this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Thord", Geordie said, "Ah want aall the bairns raised as Nuwcastle fans." Once again it was agreed.
4. "And last of all", Geordie stated, "You Gotta givvus another week to come up with the £500"
One for Ben's colleagues!
EricT
Good one! And what's Garry going on about? 
Bugger...I must have had two windows open...that's for another thread