The amazing parrot

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A man was browsing in a pet shop and saw a parrot sitting on a little perch. It didn't have any feet or legs. The man said aloud, 'Oh dear, I wonder what happened to this poor parrot?'

The parrot said, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'

'Good heavens,' the man replied. 'You actually understood and answered me!'

'Indeed,' said the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, well-educated bird.'

'Really?' the man said, 'Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'

'Well,' the parrot said, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my w*lly around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' said the man. 'You really can understand and speak English?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'

The man looked at the £200 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Shhhhhhh,' said the parrot, 'I'm defective - the truth is, nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for £20. Just make an offer!'

The man offered £20 and walked out with the parrot.



Weeks went by - the parrot was sensational. He had a great sense of humour, he was interesting, a great friend, he understood everything. He sympathised and was insightful. The man was delighted. One day the man came home from work and the parrot went, 'Psssssssssssst!' and motioned him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not but it's about your wife and the postman.'

'What are you talking about?' asked the man.

'When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'

'What???' the guy said incredulously. 'Then what happened?'

'Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaimed. 'And she let him?'

'Yes. Then he took off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.'

Then the frantic man screams, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'

'I've no idea. I got an erection and fell off my perch'