Some lines you should never say to the cops

[VEGAS]

Its Friday, time for a giggle...


• Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!

• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.

• How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

• Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.

• Back off Barney, I've got a piece.

• Want to race to the station, Sparky?

• I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!

• On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.

• You'll never get those cuffs on me...You bleep!

• Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

• Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?

• Hey officer, is that your baton or are you just glad to see me?

• Yeah you can see my driving license officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?

• Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job!

• Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

• Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?

• You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

• I was trying to keep up with traffic.

• You're NOT gonna check the boot, are you?

• "Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathaliser test, now stick this in your mouth and blow"

• Didn't I see you get your a** kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?

• Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed.

• I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket

• So, uh, you "on the take", or what?

• Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

• So, are you still crabby because your mummy didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?

• When you smack the bleep outta me, make sure you smile for the camcorder.

• Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

• Aren't you one of the Village People?

• Hey officer, want to see a trick? Look at your wife!

[Garry Russell]

I always like the helpful wife line

" Sorry officer take no notice of what he just said...he's always like that when he's had a few"



Garry

[delticbob]

One for the forty/fifty somethings :roll:

"Didn't I see you on TV.....you were in the Woodentops."

Bob

[thehappyotter]

:shock:

Not a good idea i'm sure...

[Effoh]

Ah yes, but then from the other side we have .......

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet
fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again, or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#! *!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

and the best one . . .

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?....... You're right, we don't. Sign here.



Rgds,

Colin