Appeal

[Filonian]

Woodhouse Appeal 2006

As you are probably aware a massive earthquake measuring 5.8 on the richter Scale struck Woodhouse Close in the early hours of Friday morning. At the epicentre on Proudfoot Drive victims were seen roaming around aimlessly muttering “ I cannit find me Rizzlas “. The earthquake decimated the entire area causing about £30 quids worth of damage. Several priceless collections of ashtrays from Benidorm and Majorca were damaged beyond repair.
Three historic areas of burnt out cars, some over seven years old were disturbed. Many locals were awoken before their Giros arrived. The Woodhouse Echo reported that hundreds of locals were confused, bewildered and still trying to come to terms with the loss of Ladbrokes and Peter’s Bakers. One resident, Miss Sharon Smith, a 16 year old mother of six said “ It was a shock to my little Chardonnay Mercedes, she came into my room crying and put me and Winston off our stroke, but my youngest three, Paris Sunbeam, Brittney and Brooklyn Rainbow luckily slept through it all. Tyler Morgan and Junior, both 7 were unaffected as they were roaming Ramsey Crescent and Walker Drive after a smoke and a few pills. I was still shaking whilst watching Trisha later on “.
Apparently looting, mugging, car crime and drug dealing carried on as normal. The Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Carling and White Star into the area to help stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have recovered large amounts of belongings including Benefit Books, Jewellery by Elizabeth Duke of Argos and the finest Bone China from Wilkinsons.
HOW CAN YOU HELP ?
The appeal is to raise money for food and cloths parcels for those caught up in the disaster. Clothing is urgently needed and amounst the most sought after items are :
* Fila or Burberry baseball caps
* Kappa tracksuit tops ( His & Hers )
* Adidas ¾ Length tracksuit bottoms
* White Socks
* Rockport Boots
* And anything else from the Donnay Range
Food parcels must take into consideration local tastes and should include Micro Meals, Pot Noodles, Baked Beans, Super Noodles, Sausage Rolls and Greggs Pasties for the babies. Special Brew or Thunderbirds would also be gratefully received.
EVERY LITTLE HELPS, REMEMBER :
* 22p Buys a Biro to help fill in the compensation claim form
* £2.00 buys Chips & Curry and a bottle of Blue Panda pop for a family of 9
* £4.00 buys 20 Snide Superkings and a box of Swan Vestas to calm the nerves of a grieving ten year old

Please don’t send tents for shelter as the sight of posh accommodation is unfair on the residents of Henknowle and Tindale.



Graham

[Paul K]

Shall I bring me specially trained sniffer ferret to search for survivors ?

[Filonian]

Good idea Paul. All assistance will be welcomed.

Graham

[Garry Russell]

Very good Graham

I suppose the Government will welcome teams of nationals form other countries to help shift some of the accumulating benefits due to the shortage of biro's



Garry

[TobyV]

Excellent

[Filonian]

Not going down that road Garry :shock: :tuttut:

Graham

[VEGAS]

I am sending several sovereign rings worth £3.99 to the appeal, every little helps as they say.