Talking Dog

[Tomliner]

DOG FOR SALE
A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years".
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals".
"Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10! But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying b@stard... he's never been out of the garden." EricT

[spot]

Love it.I like a chuckle over a late breakfast.

Brian

[Airspeed]

Excellent laugh generator there!

[Paul K]

[emfrat]

The old ones are still the best. Here's another one:
An old bushie comes into a country pub late one afternoon, and orders a beer for himself and a dish of water for his pets. He puts a sugar-bag on the bar. First a goanna pops out and has a drink, then a baby crocodile. The publican is horrified and tells the bushie to get out and take his dirty animals with him. The other customers object - they know the old bloke well, and anyway they outnumber the publican - so the trio are allowed to stay.
The bushie sets the croc on top of the piano, and begins to play, and to everyone's amazement, the crocodile starts to sing!
In the bar is a chap in a brown-paper suit and a polka-dot bow tie. He's a drummer for a famous variety theatre in the city, touring the outback for new acts, and he's determined to have this one. He offers fifty quid *, which the bushie rejects. The offers go to a hundred, then five hundred and finally an even thousand. The old fellow shakes his head, says he can't take the money, "It wouldn't be honest"
"What? Why not?"
"Well the crocodile can't sing at all - the goanna's a ventriloquist"

* (It was quids in them days - shows how old a joke this is )

MikeW

[Airspeed]

Thanks MikeW!