"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers.
"If it weren't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex
life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield.
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that
money can buy."
Steve Martin.
"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night 'you're a pervert'
I said, ' that's a big word for a girl of fourteen'."
Emo Philips.
"My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects."
Les Dawson.
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen.
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I
visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen.
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five,
it's fantastic."
Woody Allen.
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little
things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay
good money for in later life."
Emo Philips.
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
Steven Segal.
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams.
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Marilyn Pittman.
The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Harrods comes out with
a ride-on vacuum cleaner."
Roseanne.
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would
be dead."
Johnny Carson.
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez.
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and
that's the law."
Jerry Seinfeld.
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde.
"Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away
from children".
A Mum.
EricT
