Shades of Tommy Cooper

[steelsporran]

There may be one or two you haven't heard.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I
thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'

[GHD]

Just like that

[Airspeed]

Nice to see Tommy Cooper's name again, he was a favourite of mine when I was a kid.
A few good laughs from your post Mr Sporran.
I think the RACQ man must have been crying because he was a kilometer or two off the Queensland coast, lost in a NZ joke.
I see that you kept the "Mc" in your address, though not in Scotland, and is there heather on those hills to your South East?
How does the fighter display ay Omaka compare with Warbirds over Wanaka?
Can you tell us what the aircraft parked outside the Omaka Aviation Heritage Centre are? Their site concentrates on their WWI collection.

[steelsporran]

As Rambling Syd Rumpo might say "my coordinates have been googled"
No heather round here Mike, they're not called the Wither Hills for nothing.
I would say Wanaka best for WW2. Omaka for WW1, haven't been past there for a while so don't know what's outside.