Building Site Workers' Insurance Claim

[Nigel H-J]

AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

Regards
Rob

[fighterpilot]

Heard this in a number of versions, my favorite is it as a song as sung by the scottish folk group the Corries, absolutley hilarious. Heres a youtube linK:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70vcS41tr2A

Richard

[Garry Russell]

We had that on a bakerlite 16 rpm Gramaphone Record bought in a jumble sale in the mid sixties as a live recorded theatre performance

Garry

[Nigel H-J]

Many years ago I also heard this on the radio by a comedian whos' name I cannot recall but just the way he told it with extended words such as "I proceeded at a rapid rate uuuuup the side of the building". had me in stitches.

Regards
Nigel.

[Garry Russell]

Sound similar to our recording..........I always remember the way he held the crowd......" 'an 'alfway up"...........the already wound up audience winds up further on the pause........."I met the barrel commin' down"..... the audience just bursts into hysterics.......it was a very well timed performance.

Garry

[Nigel H-J]

That's the man Garry, spot on.

Regards
Nigel.

[Bridon Bear]

Gerard Hoffnung is the chap....I have the recording here....priceless gem it is too..

If anyone wants to hear it again then let me know.. ;-)

Regards.

Bridon Bear

[petermcleland]

Yes!...Hoffnung...That was the man...I just loved that monologue

[Garry Russell]

Out of interest..just when was that???

[Bridon Bear]

I think it was an after dinner speech that Gerard told in the late 50's......fortunate for us all that someone had the presence of mind to record it for posterity.....I have the record somewhere as well as a 6meg mp3 version made ages ago to listen to on the PC......certainly brings a smile to all who hear it...

Regards.

Bridon Bear