I'm rich, well as good as or there again........

[AllanL]

Well it beats being another Tony, but enough digression.

I really feel the need to share my amazing good fortune with you all, and all it will cost you is a measly $32,000..wait, come back you need to hear this, 'cos I can only share it with a chosen few - picked at random out of a phone book that I'm not listed in, so how did I get in on it?

Confused, you soon will be.

The other night the wife said when I got home,"You should stop your girlfriends phoning the house." Odd I thought, I hadn't realised that Dolly the Sheep had evolved an opposable thumb. (You're never alone for long with a clonable girlfriend!)

It seems that my long lost buddy Rose James of the Regency Advisory Group had called for me, and I was expecting her call even though I was out - if you've heard her you would understand why I was out.

Tonight the phone went as I was cruising round Maine in one of Mr Garwood's finest at M..well never mind. Pausing the parting of the treetops, I answered with my usual non-committal "Hello", to get inundated with gushing greetings from my old buddy Rose calling from that well known Regency Advisory Group,"Never heard of you". This did not phase her, onward and upward she ploughed.

Did I ever buy into companies in the Oil business? I have a significant (to me) portfolio of shares in energy industry companies. Oh, well did I buy shares through brokers or direct? Direct - don't know how, but it wasn't the answer she wanted.

Well Regency represent US Petroleum Holdings - who have a website, so they must be legit. Mind you if you go to the website you can't get past the front page and they have a subsiduary that is to be floated off which holds six gas and oil fields - they were closed during the '50s to '70s because of the oil price but now they're being reopened. So it's a sound investment because it's covered by the oil and gas in the ground. Yeah right.

Odd, says I, when I worked for an oil company in the '70s the price was at an all time high - only recently recovered in fact - so how come they were shut in, unless the oil had run out of course. Ah well, stutters Rose, a game but thick bird (bit like a grouse), anyway they are about to launch on one or other of the American stock markets - bit vague here but still insisting that I write all this down, but talking at top speed to paper over the cracks..... here was my great opportunity to get shares at $3.50. When they launch on whatever market that was they are confidently expected to reach $9, so if I invested $32,000 I would make ...$50,000 in only 3 months.

So why are they selling them now to total strangers picked at random from the phone book (which I'm not listed in) , when they can make 257% more themselves (calculators on screen can be handy!) in 3 months? Thought you said this was a sound company, if they need cashflow that much the banks will lend at much less than 257% for a 3 month facility.

Yes well anyway, there follows a discussion of my investment strategy, which got stonewalled (I'm not telling her but keep it to yourself : fast women and slow horses), so then the wilting Rose moved on to what did I do. I'm an engineer, Oh what sort - electronic maybe - Rose knows some electronic engineers? Nope, I'm a consultant in the energy business. Hmm' what's that? (I kid you not)

Ehhm... well anyway, ploughs on Miss Thicko '07, this is a once only short term offer and the company will give you a user name and password (9647 - but that's numbers) and only so many shareholders are getting in and they can only invest so much in this scam - sorry - wonderful investment so they need a cellphone number for the company to contact me on to validate my access to their website to make sure it is really me using the user name and password that the benighted Rose has just given me. Pause for breath.

Tiring of this I decided not to go down the "Cellphones are the spawn of Satan" route, so just said "Don't have one". What (finally thrown her off script YES!) - your wife doesn't have a cellphone - how about your kids."Yep, got kids". Yes, have they got cellphones, squawked an exasperated Rose. "Nope none of us, don't believe in them."

Now it dawns on Rose, don't you want our investment? "No".

Where's the smiley for a phone getting slammed down when you need one? As the above and more rambled on for some 15 minutes of Rose's precious time, with any luck I won't be getting any more phonecalls from the Regency Advisory Group or their clients US Petroleum Holdings. Google them with the word scam to find out how long they've been at this business.

[nigelb]

I almost didn't read that because I thought it was the usual. It can be fun to try to throw them off the scripts and listen to them flounder.

I suppose the UK does not have the "Do not call" list that the US has? Best thing Congress has done in years. Telemarketers have to check the list and if your on it, they can be fined heavily if they call. Charities and political organizations are exempt from the law so unfortunatly, the politiicans left a loophole for themselves. So you still get political calls which increase steadily as the election approaches. The "season" for a Presidential election is an insane length, the longest in the world!

[AndyG]

I almost didn't read that because I thought it was the usual. It can be fun to try to throw them off the scripts and listen to them flounder.

I suppose the UK does not have the "Do not call" list that the US has? Best thing Congress has done in years. Telemarketers have to check the list and if your on it, they can be fined heavily if they call. Charities and political organizations are exempt from the law so unfortunatly, the politiicans left a loophole for themselves. So you still get political calls which increase steadily as the election approaches. The "season" for a Presidential election is an insane length, the longest in the world!

Nigelb, we do have such a list (the Telephone Preference Service) which is slowly killing much of the UK Telemarketing industry; same setup, heavy fines etc. The problem now is that the real scam merchants have simply moved offshore, largely to the USA!! So don't feel too sorry for your native Telemarketers, they've got a whole new market to annoy! :@

Andy

[Pringle]

Nigelb, we do have such a list (the Telephone Preference Service) which is slowly killing much of the UK Telemarketing industry; same setup, heavy fines etc.

What a shame that is! Gutted I wont get phoned up on a Friday night when i'm out having a beer with the lads and someone asking me if I have considered life insurance

'I'm in the forces'
Oh, will you be deploying soon?
'Yep, tomorrow, thats why i'm out on a friday night with my friends'
Oh, this means you can't have insurance with us, but what about a family member
'Jog on' <click>

Usually if i'm at home on a Sunday afternoon (usual time to call), I let them ramble on through their whole spiel and then just do the same as Allan. 'You interested?' Nope!

[VEGAS]

I never even get to the explanation phase. Normally its like this:

Caller: "HELLO, CAN I SPEAK TO THE HOME OWNER PLEASE?"

Me: Click.....

Thank god for the TPS. Seems to be far less frequent these days. ;-)

[Chris Trott]

Actually, US telemarketers are getting shutdown as well. We have a National Do Not Call list and if there are 2 complaints against your company, you get your business license pulled. There's been several hundred (if not a thousand plus by now) telemarketers shutdown because they can't get the concept of what "Do Not Call" means.

[nigelb]

Nigelb, we do have such a list (the Telephone Preference Service) which is slowly killing much of the UK Telemarketing industry; same setup, heavy fines etc. The problem now is that the real scam merchants have simply moved offshore, largely to the USA!! So don't feel too sorry for your native Telemarketers, they've got a whole new market to annoy! :@

Andy

Andy, I can assure you I have never felt one moments pity for any telemarketer. You can bet our laws here are not as strict as those in the UK and I am sorry to hear we have now given safe harbour to a bunch of con artists.

Before I was on the list, one of my favourite tricks when they called and asked for me was to say "Just a minute, I'll go and get him. Then I would leave the phone off-hook and come back and hang it up after a few minutes. I'm really mean and bad when it comes to calls interupting my dinner :@ for that matter, unwanted calls at any time. Now that I have caller ID, I don't even answer the political survey calls.

[Keith Jones]

I use an answering machine to screen my calls - works wonders! :yipeee: :yipeee: :yipeee:

[Techy111]

I 2nd that Keith...

Tony

[DispatchDragon]

We are on the list so we dont get that many calls however when we do these days

TM - Hello may I speak to the homeowner

Me - (In very spooky voice) Hello snookums, what are you wearing today????

TM - well erm umm - tries to pick script back up

Me -- Do you like playing with cattle prods?? maybe you'd like to come over and I can show you my Dungeon
you'd really like it.........
TM -- Click (Yes I works almost every time)

Doesnt matter on the sex - works really well both ways - also gives me a chuckle.....


Leif