Helpful Info For UK Taxpayers
Posted: 05 May 2012, 20:25
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment..
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
Q.. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q.. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka ...
* If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China ...
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ....
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ....
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan ...
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1) Spending it at car boot sales,
or
2) Going to night clubs, or
3) Spending it on
prostitutes,
or
4) Buying beer or whisky, or
5) Get yourself a Tattoo
or
6) Visit a bookie.
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
Conclusion:
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
EricT